I have a confession to make. I know what you are thinking: go see a priest. It’s not that kind of a confession.
Now, my favourite player in the entire universe and beyond is, of course, our Andy. That would be Andy Murray, world number 1. I may have mentioned that once or twice in my recent blogs. What do mean you haven’t noticed? Shame on you. Anyhow, behind him – not literally, it’s not panto season yet – in the tennis pecking order, there is a motley crew of players that I follow. The drawback of following a motley crew of players is that, most inconveniently, they do tend to play each other now and then.
So it is that two of these said favourite players are playing each other in this weekend’s Davis Cup final between Croatia and Argentina in Zagreb. I confess to being conflicted (knew we’d get there eventually). I happen to have had a soft spot for Croatia ever since the Goran Ivanisevic days, plus Marin Cilic is one rung higher on the motley crew list than Juan Martin Del Potro for Argentina (and not just because Delpo defeated Andy and GB in the semi finals, honest). So I guess I am supporting Croatia, or at least I would be unequivocally if only young Borna Coric had been able to play as the second singles player. Alas, he is injured, which not only puts a big dent in Croatia’s chances of winning the Davis Cup, but he has been replaced by a servebot who can’t play tennis!
His name is Ivo Karlovic. He’s 6 ft 11. Yes, that’s 6 ft 11. Surely nobody that height should be entitled to play anything other than basketball or do high jump. They really should have a height limit in tennis. It’s not on for these tallies to ruin the game. They clearly have an unfair advantage by sheer dint of their height. Nobody over 6 ft 6 should be allowed to play tennis because there is no point. It would just turn into a tedious serve fest, like turning up to a football match for 90 minutes of penalty shootouts. Who wants to pay to see that? These servebots are like those ball machines that blast a barrage of balls at you – and that’s it. Machines that have no other function. Servebots are like that – they simply churn out aces or, when they miss, double faults. They cannot actually play tennis.
I have another confession to take. No, still not of the kind requiring priests. I am a tennis purist and proud of it. I believe a person has no right be playing professionally on a tennis court if they can’t actually play tennis. It makes a mockery of the game. So I was going to be damned before I would support Ivo Karlovic, let alone against a favourite. Worse, his inclusion meant that all the burden would now be on Croatia’s number 1 player Marin Cilic, current world number 6, who would have to play and win 3 matches in a row to do the job for them. Even Andy couldn’t manage that against Argentina in the semi finals. Marin would have his work cut out just like Andy did to get past Delpo, a man who, once upon a time – back when he had wrists – had beaten defending champion Roger Federer from a set down and two sets to one down, to win the US Open as a mere babe…oh, ok, as a 20 year old. That’s how good Delpo is; good enough to have once got the better of peak-Federer. So either Marin was going to have to beat him after having played two other matches beforehand, or Karlovic would have to get a point.
That was highly unlikely in the first place (did I mention he can’t actually play tennis?), even if he was ranked 20th in the world – how??!! oh yeah, the aces – nevertheless, I couldn’t bring myself to support a player (and I use that word very loosely) who went against everything I believed in. So unless Marin were to win all three of his matches (or lose two out of three to give Argentina a clear win), I would be facing the prospect of going against Croatia in the final winner takes all reverse rubber. Argh!
At least on day one things would be a little more straightforward with Marin playing the second Argentinian, Federico Delbonis, and Karlovic taking on the mighty Delpo, and there was no way I was supporting anyone other than Juan Martin, thank you very much. Talk about a case of split loyalties.
At least with Marin’s match I knew exactly who I wanted to win. And for 2 sets he was winning….and then he went walkabout for the next two sets. Maybe he was thinking about where he would be going for his winter sun beach holiday. Who knows where Marin goes when he disappears in matches. Marin is a classic Jekyll and Hyde. Like Andy, he has an evil twin who inexplicably takes over at the most inopportune times and turns him, in a flash, from a US Open Grand Slam winning champion into a myopic council court hacker. So, for the first two sets he was USO Marin, the player who has also had the distinction of having taken out Federer at a US Open, in the semi final on his way to winning it. He was all big serves, big groundstrokes, big winners. In the 3rd set, hacker twin Marin takes over and suddenly Marin couldn’t buy a first serve for love nor trophy. A service percentage in the 70s suddenly plummeted to the 30s. Even if your serve isn’t your primary weapon, that’s a losing stat. If your serve is your primary weapon, it’s disastrous.
Before you could say jeez, aren’t the Argentinians a noisy bunch, it was two sets all. Marin had gone from being a player who had beaten Andy Murray in a Masters final, and Novak Djokovic three weeks ago, to being wobblier than a mound of jelly. After running out of invectives against his midget mentality (a most apt description of him which I have shamelessly stolen from another fan), I reasoned that he really, really wasn’t going to lose in front of his home fans to a world number 41 after having been two sets ahead, and effectively lose Croatia the Davis Cup in the opening rubber. It didn’t matter how much of a head case Marin was, it wasn’t going to happen.
After losing the 4th set by embarrassingly missing a conventional overhead that was easier to hit in than to hit out, Marin disappeared for a bathroom break. When he returned he broke Delbonis in the opening game. Welcome back, USO Marin. It was like a tennis version of Clark Kent disappearing into a phone booth – or bathroom, in this case – and coming out as Superman. I wonder whether Marin was wearing red underpants beneath his shorts…Another break of serve and it was all over. 6-3, 7-5, 3-6, 1-6, 2-6. Danger averted. It had only taken him 3 hrs and 30 minutes. But that was ok; it wasn’t like he had any other matches to play this weekend.
That was supposed to have been the straightforward match. Next up was the other one. You know who against Delpo. What to do? Who to support? I wasn’t going to support a servebot. Certainly not against a player of Juan Martin’s calibre. I knew it would be a horrible match to watch. Tedious to watch ace after ace, double fault after double fault, and painful to see Karlovic lumbering around clumsily mis-hitting shots a junior boy would dispatch with panache. I wanted Delpo to get this over with and win the match as quickly as possible and put us all out of our miseries. Including himself, because he didn’t exactly look happy out there. How could he be? He wasn’t participating in a tennis match. It was either an ace or a double fault from the giant Croatian. Karlovic had started wretchedly by losing his opening service game so it looked like I would get my wish as Delpo easily held his serve to win the set 6-4.
The pattern continued in the 2nd set. Ace or double fault from Karlovic. Irritation from Delpo as he couldn’t capitalise because every chance he got from a poor serve would be wiped out by an unreturnable one. It was tennis with a jagged, ragged edge. Inevitably, they went to a tie break. Now Delpo had his chance. Two set points. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Karlovic was overcome with an overwhelming urge to play tennis. WTF?! Perhaps it was because he was playing in front of his own fans, but he managed to elevate his level to the point where he actually hit a few groundstrokes in a row – otherwise known as a rally – and seemed to shock his opponent into making mistakes. Delpo probably couldn’t believe how Karlovic, after being so rubbish, had suddenly figured out how to play a bit. He was so shell-shocked it seemed to put him completely off his game. After saving a set point on Delpo’s serve with his best play of the match, Karlovic took the next three points to win the tie break and steal the set. One set all.
This was torture. As the match wore on, even the crowd started to get restless and the atmosphere was becoming very tetchy, with exuberant fans frequently disrupting the players’ serves and causing them to stop their service motion. Towards the end things had got so heated some fans had to be ejected. Well, that’s what happens when you don’t distract them with some actual tennis. Not that Diego Maradona seemed to care. He was there as a supporter rather than ex-player and was behaving more like one of his typical football fans on the terraces as opposed to a VIP guest at a tennis match. He shouted, screamed, gestured and jumped up and down more enthusiastically than the most hardcore Argentinian supporter there – and that was saying something. Frankly, he was more entertaining to watch than the tennis.
Thankfully Delpo managed to contain his frustrations with the crowd and the disruptive rhythm of the match sufficiently to break and take the third set. He then held his serve through the 4th before breaking late on to go 6-5 up. Unsurprisingly, Delpo hadn’t faced a single break point in the match so, to the blessed relief of everybody, he had no trouble serving out and putting us all out of our misery. 4-6, 6-7, 6-3, 7-5. After he hit the winning shot, a clearly relieved Delpo turned towards his raucous Argentinian supporters, fists clenched by his side, and soaked in their adulation. It’s heartening the way Delpo always loves to share his winning moment with his fans.
So, as predicted, it’s 1 point each in the tie, but delivered in a very unpredictable way. Doubles next. This is what Croatia will be gambling on. For the successful partnership of Marin and doubles specialist Ivan Dodig to bring in that crucial point to put Croatia 2-1 up going into the reverse singles on Sunday. Though Marin is not currently listed as playing, he certainly will start, as he and Dodig have a far better chance of getting a point in the doubles than Marin does of beating Delpo in the singles, which would be 50-50 at best. They are a formidable pairing who defeated the legendary Bryan brothers and the world number 2 pairing of Herbert and Mahut in the quarter and semi finals, so should be favourites to win.
What is not certain is whether Argentina will risk playing Delpo in the doubles as they did against GB in the semi, or whether they even need to. Against GB, once Delpo had beaten Andy, it was game over so Argentina didn’t need to worry about playing Delpo in the reverse singles. But here, they will need him, and need him fresh to take on Marin in the second singles, so it will be a gamble to play Delpo, especially with his injury history. It may make more sense to save him – and those fragile wrists – for the reverse singles.
And what about poor me? If my two favs play each other twice, that’s a double conflict of interest. I really must try to have less favourites! Before anyone suggests the obvious, it’s not a win-win; it’s a lose-lose.
Ah well, may the best man win. Whoever he may be. So long as he can play tennis.